 | Two Readings, similar poems, poetry by Peter Menkinposted by Peter Menkin, FullMonday, February 15th 2010 @ 7:40 PM (not yet rated) |
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August rains (revise, new title)...
poem by Peter Menkin
August rain, summer
relief,
cools the later months.
Against the larger
sky below walks
the path alone common
stranger afoot, a lone
vision this existential
separation
stays transitory;
sound the long highway
travelers north: growl to stretch
northward. The light rain
waters with relief
stark realities finite.
A mortal vision sighted
before the season changes.
This scene told anew, loneliness,
California climate norm.
Come the time of year
punctuated weather portents.
Yellow w/orange square...(2000)
poem by Peter Menkin
August rain, summer
relieved as yellow
cools the later months.
Against the larger
sky below walks
the path alone common
stranger afoot, a lone
vision this existential
separation by the orange
square stays transitory;
sound the long highway
travelers north: growl to stretch
northward. The light rain
waters with relief
stark realities finite.
A mortal vision sighted
before the season changes.
This scene told anew, loneliness,
California climate norm.
Come the time of year
punctuated weather portents.
Notes from workshop posting:
This poem about the rain in August, the aloneness and the roadway, was one of a series that sought the painterly vision. I saw this expression of the largeness and worldliness, yet with beauty in a strange way, of the State of California. The idea of painting the scene was an ambition of emphasis. Hence, the use of two colors the in poem. The use of the orange, and an "intercession" seems to work, but the yellow makes it sound that the rain was yellow instead of a rectangle of color appears.
I am fond of this poem, finding it in my backlog from some five years ago and looking at it again. With hopes of some comment, I seem to like it and think that to my surprise I did basically a good job with it. This was posted, originally, on The Atlantic Writer's Workshop. Then the workshop on The Atlantic was a busy and exciting place to post. Being my first and only workshop online, I thought all such places were similar. As the old adage goes, I didn't know how good I had it. So I post here, mostly, where there is activity with hopes to get better in my ambitions toward writing poetry.
